How do you respond to change?

How much change have you witnessed? And how do you respond? If you were born in the year 1982, you would be about 34 years old as at the time of this article. If you lived in North America, in your 30+ years, you would have watched movies on Betamax, VHS, DVD, LaserDisc and, recently, Netflix. You have snapped photos with true 35mm camera film and maybe shot hi-def pictures with a 35mm lens on a digital single-lens reflex (DSLR) camera too.You have seen jobs, industries and entire markets being created and retired faster than ever. You probably witnessed the birth of the cellular network industry, the creation of the e-commerce market, and, more recently, come across job ads for a "social media strategist". You have seen shifts in workplace communication from real carbon copy paper to an email field labelled "Bcc". And with it, you have seen skills and systems fade into obsolescence as new ones usurp their place. All this before your 35th birthday!

As the carousel spins faster and faster, it is harder to hold on and not get flung out into the dark abyss. So, good times! To continue to be productive and relevant, we need an approach to change that works. That is why in this article, I want to go over the three common responses to change as it unfolds in our lives. The goal is to help you recognize where you stand regarding any changes coming into your life so that you can make the right decisions with less stress. Let us begin.

1. Resist the change

Think back to the most recent time in your life when something happened that made you want to dig in your heels and say no. Did the change mean you were going to lose something? Your sense of control or security, your pride, a privilege or some aspect of your personal or social identity? We resist change usually when we feel we are going to lose something of value. Now I know change is enjoying a lot of positive press at the moment. But sometimes saying no is the right response.

Some changes are bad - When NO! is the right answer

Not all change is good. Dictatorship government takeovers, unfair and discriminatory legislation are examples of changes that should be resisted for the greater good. If a politician was running for office on the promise to reverse laws that provide protection and support for vulnerable members of society, we might rightly take to the streets or to social media to fight. We would resist the change with great indignation perhaps.

Resistance asks, how can I prevent or undo this change?

On a personal level, we resist changes that violate our rights and freedoms - and we are right to do so.  A lot of what we enjoy today in the free nations are a result of courageous men and women resisting bad changes whether it be in government, the labour market and everything in between.

When resistance is faulty

The problem arises when changes occur that are not so clearly wrong or bad, yet they affect us in a way that brings about this sense of loss. We face problems when the resistance is not due to the change itself being inherently good or bad, but when we resist because the change makes us uncomfortable. Especially when the change has a significant impact on our personal or professional lives. This is when it gets tricky and this is when we might catch ourselves resisting to our detriment. In these cases, we are better off either accepting or engaging the change. Let's talk about acceptance first.

2. Accept the change

Acceptance has some hallmarks associated with it. The words that come to mind when I think of just accepting change are - coping, adapting, or adjusting.There can often be emotional charge around merely accepting a change. Resentment may set in because we feel powerless or because we feel coerced.This, as mentioned earlier will depend on how important the change is to us.

For example, a disruption such as a construction detour we encounter on our drive to work will have very different emotional effects compared to the loss of a loved one. Both are circumstances we cannot control and we will likely eventually accept. But the acceptance can carry very different emotional charges and take varying amounts of time to achieve. We will likely get over the detour and cope or adjust to it faster than a bereavement. The sense of loss is so much greater in the second case and so it is more difficult to cope.

Acceptance asks, how can I cope with this change?

Acceptance is better than resistance when the change we face is irresistible. In some cases, accepting is all we need to do. But then there are those occasions where going a step further can make a world of difference - for the better.

3. Engage the change

If resistance is a pushing-away, and accepting is letting be, then engaging is a vigorous handshake, followed by an embrace and a long conversation over your favourite beverage. Engaging a change means you go past merely accepting it to discovering if and how it can be turned to your advantage.

There is an old West African proverb that translates loosely thus"If one man does not come to ruin, then another man cannot come to fortune". This may sound dubious or even downright cruel, but it is poetic hyperbole. It describes how the same circumstances that ruin some people often lead to the prosperity of others. The difference is in the response.This point was highlighted in one of my lunchtime conversations with a senior executive about how to thrive in an era of change. You can read the article here.

Engaging is a choice. Engagement asks, how can I make this change work for me?

Choosing what to engage

Surely we cannot "engage" every single change that comes our way. There are only so many hours in the day. For instance, It would be weird if, upon encountering the roadside construction from our earlier scenario, you park your car, don a reflective vest and work boots and joined in the digging and drilling. Not only would you end up being even later than before, I'll bet the other workers would be quite puzzled at your actions. In this case, you are probably justified simply taking an alternative route to work. But again, depending on how invested you are in the impact of the change, you might act quite different altogether.

The main point: engaging is the most desirable, though not always the most practical, approach to changes we cannot (or should not) resist. But when the stakes are high, it is our best option and can produce the best results.

The Change journey

Sometimes we will pass through all three responses before settling on the right approach to a given change that we face. The most important thing is being as objective as we can and not let the fear of loss that is often associated with changes we cannot control overpower us. Picking the right response to change is often the defining factor in whether or not we come out on top in the end. So choose wisely and deliberately.Until next time, be your best and do your best.