One persuasive technique to make you instantly more influential
Persuasion is about getting someone to think or act in a certain way. You will see right away that this is a priceless skill to possess (yes, it is a skill). Therefore the mastery of persuasive techniques can give the bearer an incalculable advantage in business, career and personal life. Whether it be winning a contract, securing a promotion or getting your toddler to keep his pants on at the dinner table, the ability to influence others can help us do much good in the world for ourselves and others. But how can we be more persuasive? Or, more accurately, how can we be more effective at persuasive communication?
In this short article, I will reveal one easy element you can add to your business (and personal) communications to increase your persuasive power. Let us begin.
Imagine this
Imagine this scenario. It is early January and your furnace has just packed up. Now, if you live in the colder regions of the world (like Calgary where I live), temperatures can drop as low as 30 degrees below zero. Here, a broken furnace is a huge issue. At the worst, it can cause untold suffering and heartache. At best, it is an awful inconvenience. You like being warm and, you know, alive, so you quickly get on the phone and start trying different technicians to determine who you will hire. This was not in your budget and could cost thousands of dollars. What a bummer.
Let’s say you reach out to three technicians—Jim, Scott and Jill.
Jim Says: “I have the best furnaces at the best prices. I have been installing furnaces for over 15 years and I guarantee you will be happy with my work.” Pretty good right? Strong, assertive, confident. Jim has experience and “the best prices”. You probably are considering hiring Jim. Let’s see what Scott has to say.
Scott: “I have worked on residential furnace systems for many years. I actually specialize in your type of system and will do a great job.” Wow! You are in trouble now. How on earth are you supposed to pick one over the other. Scott is clearly an expert. He does not boast decades of experience like Jim but he sure sounds like he knows his stuff. What a pickle you are in. But before you pull out your chequebook, let's hear what Jill says.
Jill: “You must be going through a lot of inconveniences with a broken furnace. I hope your family is doing ok. You must want this fixed as quickly as possible. What is your timeline and budget? I will do my best to get this done for you quickly and affordably.”
Who do you pick?
Who do you want to do business with? If you were on the phone with these three. Who are you most likely to:
Spend the most time talking to?
Most likely hire?
While Scott and Jim presented good cases for you to hire them, Jill did something neither Scott nor Jim did. Jill talked about you. Jill did not talk about Jill. Jill made you the hero of the story - talked about your needs and concerns; empathized with you and asked what was your timeline and budget. You get the feeling Jill actually cares about you.
One key persuasive technique
And here is the easy but amazingly effective technique - talk in terms of the other person’s needs and desires. This persuasive technique works so well because it leverages some of the most powerful psychological phenomena that drive human decision-making. From the time we become self-aware (around age four), we acquire a curious trait. Maybe you have heard of it. Surely, you see it in other people all the time though rarely in yourself. The trait? Selfishness.
Talk in terms of the other person’s needs
We all sell fish
Dale Carnegie once said every single thing you ever did or said was because you wanted something. I agree with Mr. Carnegie. The truth is though that selfishness is not all bad. Without it, we could not possibly navigate or survive this complex world. You can read more about what Dr John Johnson of Penn State University has to say about good, bad and neutral selfishness here.
In the meantime, know that we are all inherently selfish. Yes including you - and the person you are trying to persuade. So that, by communicating with a person in the language of "you" instead of I", and showing regard for what matters to them, you greatly increase the chances that they will (i) listen to you and (ii) be open to your suggestions.
Persuasive technique - Communicate in the language of "you" not "I"
This is why yelling at the toddler to quit embarrassing you in front of guests will not work as well as reminding him that he is a big boy now and big boys wear pants at the table. Even though, between you and I, you have eaten many a meal yourself in your underwear. But that's ok, you were in college and single with no one else in the room at the time. We won't tell the kid that until he is older. Maybe when he is going off to college.
Mind my manners
Talking in terms of the other person is not only a great persuasive technique, it is also good manners. Nobody likes a self-centered person. A person who drones on endlessly about themselves and how great they are.
You might be the most qualified contractor bidding for an account; you might be long overdue for a promotion and you are definitely smarter and more experienced than the competition. All true. But as long as you insist on talking in terms of yourself and not the other person (the decision-maker), you will find it difficult to persuade them. Talking in terms of the other person’s needs communicates respect, attentiveness and professionalism.
But what about me?
I get it, you are credible and capable and you want to show that. What I want you to realize is that believe it or not, showing an interest in the other person’s concerns and motivations can actually do more for your credibility than you bragging about how great you are. It can establish trust in a unique way.
As a persuasive presentations skills coach, I have found that it is much easier to effect improvement in behaviour and performance once I start communicating in terms of the client’s needs and goals instead of what I think those goals should be or what I would rather work on. Of course, as the coach, it is my job to ensure the right skills are being taught and habituated but these need to be placed in context of the client’s goals or the client is less likely to be enthusiastic about them.
Go ahead and try it
It works for coaching clients, sales prospects, junior colleagues, senior colleagues and, yes, even toddlers. The next time you are sending an email, making a phone call or having a face to face in which you would like the other person to think or behave differently, use this truly powerful persuasive technique—talk in terms of what the other person cares about. And oh, if it's a face to face conversation, do let the other person get a word in and don't interrupt. That's just rude.
Until the next article, speak with skill.
