Enough talk! How to handle side comments during a presentation

You have prepared for this meeting or presentation. You have put in the work and now it is time to present before your audience. But while you speak, there is this person in the crowd who seems bent on sabotaging your presentation by engaging in side comments. You try to soldier on but it starts to get on your nerves and you even start struggling with remembering the sequence of your presentation.

Sooner or later, if you give presentations or facilitate meetings, you will encounter this scenario. What do you do? Stand there sheepishly and take it? Attempt to ignore the person? Lose your temper and hurl your footwear in his or her their direction while exhaling a violent war cry?

In this article, I will give you two powerful techniques you can apply as a presenter to ensure that your presentation is not sabotaged by side-talk without losing control of the room and also keeping your shoes on. I will also show you two ineffective ways that most speakers employ. Let’s dive right in.

But what is wrong with a little side talk?

It is OK to excuse a few side comments, especially after you, the speaker, have made a comment that is funny, very agreeable or even controversial. People may laugh or want to lean over and share a quick quip with their neighbours. This can actually be a good sign because it signals engagement.

But when a particular person repeatedly engages other members of the group in distracting side-chatter, you must take action in order to preserve the integrity of the group.

Side comments distract you and they distract other members of your audience. In larger groups (say 100+), this is not usually noticeable. In this setting, side comments can (and should) be generally ignored unless they become loud and unruly. But in smaller groups such as office meetings, smaller sized seminars, or small group facilitated discussions, side comments can be a real issue.

What can you do?

There are a few options. Your choice will depend on the situation and your own personal speaking or leadership style.

Let’s start with what you should NOT do. This raises an interesting question. Are you an ostrich or a grizzly bear?

What NOT to do - Ostrich or Grizzly

Bury your head in the sand

I call this the ostrich approach to facilitation. You disregard the behaviour and hope it eventually stops. But we have already established that this is happening repeatedly so your lack of action on the matter is ill-advised.

I get it. You want to be respectful and we are all adults so you don’t want to offend right? Fair enough. I just hope that can be your consolation when the entire meeting ends up a fiasco and your credibility is down the toilet. Ok ok I’m being a bit harsh. But that’s becasue I want you to realize how bad losing control of the room can be for bith you and your audience.

Here’s the thing, you do not have to be rude though you will often have to be firm. Especially with the more unruly or vocally disruptive types. In short, I do not recommend the ostrich approach. 

Rip 'em to pieces

I touched on this facetiously earlier in the article when I mentioned throwing your shoe at the offender.

While most of us will not go this far, I have seen well-heeled speakers get agitated and even come unhinged due to the incessant disturbances of an audience member. They may lose their place in their presentation and have to take several seconds to recollect their thoughts—on several occasions—introducing a fresh source of distraction in the process.

Another incarnation of lost cool is when a speaker or facilitator shows visible signs of irritation at the audience member. Furrowed brows, fist-clenching or finger pointing are all things I have seen speakers do. Like an upset grizzly, the speaker verbally tears the offender to pieces.

The problem with this—other than exposure to litigation—is the exposure of the loss of control on your part. And not just control of the room, but control of yourself. And self-control (or the perception of it) is key to credibility as a speaker or leader.

Control of the room and of yourself is critical to your credibility and effectiveness as a speaker and leader.

These two are on extreme ends of the spectrum.

On one end, you take it lying down essentially surrendering your power and (futily) hoping the problem will somehow go away. On the other end, you over-react and turn the audience member from villain to victim. The rest of the audience now views you as the bad guy and you lose your power.

In either case, you lose your influence. Not what you want.

Now let’s look at some better choices.

What to do instead

Your better choices harness the power of social pressure in quelling disruptive behaviour. Social pressure can be very effective in altering behaviour as anyone who has ever been a teenager can attest.

At that age, it’s all about image and how you are perceived by your peers. Research in behavioural psychology shows that social dynamics do not change much from teenage to adult years. All that changes are contexts, strategies and tools.

Think less classroom and prom and more conference room and galas.

Because of this natural human tendency to avoid disapproval from our peers, you will find that by employing the force of the group in addition to your own, you will get a much more powerful effect than by playing ostrich or grizzly.

Above all, act with respect and seek to preserve the dignity of everyone in the room including the offender.

Here are two ways you can do this.

1. Use silence

Silence can indeed speak louder than words.

Here’s what you do: simply stop talking and with a smile, look directly at the offender(s) and say… nothing.

The smile is important – this is not about being hostile but about maintaining order. You are communicating that there can only be one speaker at a time but you are doing it in a non-threatening manner.

Often the person will mumble the word “sorry” and then sit straight and pay attention. At this point, just continue your presentation. In most professional settings, this is all you need to do and you will not likely need to do it more than twice for the same person in a given presentation to completely stop the behaviour.

It is important, with this technique, that you say nothing. The pressure of the silence from the stage is plenty and adding any chiding words would be overkill. You are not Ms Applebottom – the English teacher and your audience is not a group of 3rd graders. Therefore anything along the lines of “is there something you would like to share with the class?” is not a good idea.

You want to build trust, not resentment. Plus the awkward silence will often come through “louder” and clearer than any choice words you might be able to piece together.What you are really doing is harnessing the pressure from the entire group using silence.

The audience’s attention will naturally follow your eyes to the offender putting him or her on the spot in a less than flattering light.

2. Use humour

If the group is very comfortable with one another and with you, then throwing in some humorous comment at the offenders can be a great way to harness social pressure while keeping things light.

One way I would do this would be to look in the direction of the offender and say playfully “the next time I catch you two talking I am going to make you go stand in the corner”. Or in keeping with the grade school theme, I could also say, “keep that up and I will have to separate you two”. You get the point. I am saying exactly the kind of thing I said not to say in technique number 1. This might seem like a contradiction but it really is not.

Two factors are key here:

• We are all friends or at least have good rapport;

• I make it clear that I am joking through my playful delivery

Don’t be surprised if you get a laugh from everyone (including the offender) and laughter is great at helping your audience relax and engage your talk.

In this way, you turn what could have been a problem into an opportunity to refresh the energy in the room. This method is great if you can pull it off but if in doubt, or you feel the circumstances do not lend themselves to levity, just use technique number one.

In closing

Whatever technique you choose, keep in mind that the goal is not to humiliate anyone but to maintain an atmosphere that is conducive to a successful and productive presentation or meeting.

Don’t jump right to the conclusion that this person is out to get you. Give them the benefit of the doubt but if the behaviour continues, then out of respect for the audience, you must address it in a professional manner.

And, even though this goes without saying, no projectiles please.