What a pair of boots and some software taught me about success and self-control

Sometimes, the most mundane experiences we have, and our reactions especially, reveal a lot about us to ourselves. If we pay attention. Not the least, they teach us about our self-control. Or the absence of it.

A few years ago, I had been procrastinating on buying some software that would have greatly enhanced my business administration and freed up time for me to spend on more creative and strategic activities in my business.I had done my research and found a program that I knew was right for me.

But at the time, cash flow was tight as I was just starting out.

I was also in the market for new winter shoes.

You probably know where I am going with this by now.

I am often surprised by how much time, energy and money people spend - they call it 'invest', but its often spending - on their clothes, cars and toys and how little they invest (yep, invest) in their own growth.

And by people, I mean myself. And maybe you too.

But back to the shoes.

These new shoes were to cost about twice the amount of the software I spoke of earlier.

One afternoon, I was in the mall and spotted the shoes on sale – 50% off!! I felt the adrenaline start to pump as reason was tossed into the wind. In a retail-thrill induced trance, I tried them on. Spot on fit! I glided to the front of the store and was already at the till about to pull out the plastic when a quiet voice in my head began to remind of the software…

The feelings of excitement were quickly replaced with angst and self-loathing.

Was I so hopelessly undisciplined? Or worse, didn’t I believe enough in my business to invest in it?

All this time, I was standing in line, the thoughts and questions swirling around in my head which, along with the rest of my body, was inching closer to the till. It all climaxed as I got to the front to pay. My smile slowly and semi-psychotically turned upside down before transmogrifying into an angry scowl. I swung around swiftly, marched over to the shoe section, shoved the hapless footwear back on the shelf and stomped out of the store.

The cashier looked puzzled.

What just happened?

I went back home in a daze quietly pondering the motivations for my actions. What I realized is that what happened to me that day at the mall happens to all of us.

When faced with a choice, our usual impulse is for immediate gratification over slower, long-term rewards.

The software was going to help my business by streamlining my processes, helping control my costs and eventually, helping me drive growth.

But that was all in the future. The winter shoes, on the other hand, was here and now. I could touch them, feel them, wear them. Also, it was November and we had already had a few really cold days. The winter shoes were imminent and immediately gratifying.

When faced with a choice, our usual impulse is for immediate gratification.

How we, as people handle this tension between immediate and future gratification makes all the difference.

What does the research say about success and self-control?

The famous Dunedin Study has tracked the lives of over one thousand babies born between 1972 and 1973. The study has now been running for over half a century and, as at the time of publishing this article, it is still ongoing and has generated over 1200 publications providing many different insights into the factors that make people turn out the way they do in life.

One of the most popular of these publications showed a powerful correlation between self-control and success. To be exact, children who had higher levels of self-control at age five were more likely as adults to be healthier, wealthier, and less likely to have an addiction or a criminal conviction.

I doubt the addiction or conviction stat surprises you, but perhaps you had not considered how not exercising self-control has kept you from your health and wealth goals. I know I hadn’t until I learned this.

Studies show that self-control stood as a differentiator even when social class, intelligence and, get this, family background were similar. Siblings from the same family who had lower self-control showed poorer outcomes in life.

And those with greater self-regulation? Well, as you might have guessed, they were more successful.

Thinking about self-control

Self-control or delayed gratification is not something the average person pays conscious attention to. We often feel at the mercy of our emotions, impulses or habits. When we fail, we make excuses.

But the research is clear – the ability to delay gratification is a key predictor of success. This is because most big successes do not happen in one sitting. Also, they often require sacrificing what could be had now for something greater in the future.

...the research is clear – the ability to delay gratification is a key predictor of success.

Our often tricky minds do not naturally default to long-term thinking – we have to apply effort. And that can be hard. Hard, but worth it.

But back to the shoes

Since skipping that pair of winter boots, I went on to buy the software and have used it with great success. And, in part, due to it, I have gone on to earn many times what it cost and generated enough revenue to afford much nicer boots.

You know what the funny thing is? I never did buy new winter boots. As it turns out, the ones I had were just fine after all. Maybe next winter.

A new way to see

The point is that often what we merely want can camouflage as what we need because it is imminent. And what we need can be obscured as a want because its impact is in the future. I think that sentence is worth re-reading.

We need a new way to see how we spend our time and other resources. We need to pay attention to the opportunities to delay immediate gratification for greater future gains. This does not mean we cannot enjoy our lives. In fact, I would argue that the pursuit and ultimate achievement of greater goals and successes can be much more rewarding than the frustration and guilt often associated with short-term compromise.

That was what I learnt from winter boots. Who'd have thought they could hold so much wisdom? Not unlike my lesson from a teabag.

Until the next post, be your best and do your best.