Choose your fear – failure or regret?

What keeps us from trying? What keeps us grinding and never growing? Plodding but never planning. Working in but never working on…For some, it is apathy - numbness. For most of us though, it is fear. And it can be paralyzing. It can keep you from ever doing your best or pursuing your goals and dreams. It can cause you to procrastinate, or worse, abandon your goals altogether.But maybe there is a way to turn it around.

What are we afraid of?

Over the past few years, I have had a few important people in my life pass away – my father, a high school friend, a close neighbour and then my grandmother. Two of them were over 70. The other two were under 35.And then there are the old acquaintances – mentioned in passing.“Oh what about so-and-so?”“Didn’t you hear? He had an accident in 2016 and...”Life, it seems, is fleeting and fragile.And then I look at myself and those around me engaged in our day-to-day. We plod along, half asleep, never giving thought to our vision for our lives. I wonder if we realize how short even a long life is. Days turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to years. We go from milestone to milestone to gravestone.But how much of it did we really want? How much of it challenged us, gave us joy or a sense of meaning and purpose? How much did we risk? How much did we give? How many lives did we touch for the better? Did we produce our best work and present our best selves? What did we do? More importantly, what could we have done? And why didn’t we?For most of us, the answer is fear. Fear of loss - loss of things and loss of face. In short, the fear of failure.

A better fear

But there is a better fear – a fear that will push you to live full and die empty. That is the fear of regret. It leads you to dread dying without having lived. This fear makes you imagine getting old with no stories to share, and no real legacy to leave behind. And this imagination scares the heck out of you. And with good reason.I have often heard that when people on their deathbed recount their lives, they rarely regret the things they did. They almost, however, always regret the things they wanted to do – but never did. No wonder the fear of regret scares us - it forces us to face ourselves and our own mortality. And it demands that we honour our lives while we still can.

Choose yours

You get to choose your fears – or at least choose which ones you will listen to and act upon. Will you choose the fear of failure or the fear of regret? Like the proverbial monkey, each has taken a seat on each of your shoulders. One nudges you forward while the other holds you back. Both monkeys ask the same question – “what if?” But each ends the question differently. Which one will you listen to? Choose wisely.Until the next post, be your best and do your best.