Do you need a mentor or a coach? What is the difference and how to choose

Network network network, they tell you. It’s all who you know, they say. And with good reason. Whether you are after personal, professional or business success, your network of people can make a significant difference in how quickly, how well and if at all you achieve your goals. And, hey, sometimes a lone wolf can get lucky and land a kill. But a coordinated pack will always have better chances of being fed and lesser odds of being fed upon.

There is no such thing as a self-made man

– Arnold Schwarzenegger

You can achieve a lot more with a team than you could alone

– Ray Dalio

But who do you really need in your network? What “offices” are vital to your success as a person.In this article, I will share with you one of the important people you need in your network who make a huge impact on how successful you are in life. We will cover the others in a different article.

Someone you learn from and look up to – Mentor or Coach.

I put this person first because they are simultaneously the most intuitive yet not always the most thoughtfully considered by us.

On one hand, a lot of us are happy going about our days and lives doing things the same old way.

On the other, a few do set goals and strive toward them. But like our lone wolf, they try to gather all the information themselves and do it on their own. They may not consciously know it, but they are going solo - their actions (and results) show that they are.

You need someone to learn from because looking to and learning from them saves you time, it saves you effort and can save you money – perhaps the three most important resources you have.

It makes a huge difference in your journey having someone who has gone ahead, tried and failed, gotten better and gained experience.

You can distill all of their years into a few lunch conversations and save yourself a lot of trouble.

I am hoping you are now excited about getting such a person in your life. That's all well and good. But who you look up to is not always clear.

Let me suggest that, assuming you could pick anyone, consider these two things - what you are trying to achieve and what phase you are in.

What are you after?

Your goals must align with their achievements or expertise.

You may not learn a lot from me if you are trying to achieve excellence in figure-skating—I am remarkably unaccomplished in this area. I mean, you may learn how to land softly with your bum on the ice though – something I have perfected into a science from multiple repetitions. But as for useful technique in figure-skating, you best be moving along.

But when it comes to presentations skills and productivity, I can probably offer some useful direction, techniques and insights. In this area, I may be someone you can learn from.

Your goals must align with their achievements or expertise

So, when seeking out a mentor, the more specific you are about what you are trying to achieve, the clearer you can be about who your coach or mentor should be. And the more you will get out of the relationship.

You will have direction and focus and also criteria to measure the success of the relationship against. If things are going well, you’ll know and can press in. If not, you’ll know and can act accordingly.

Whatever the case, make sure they either have the expertise or life experience and preferably some success in what you are after.

As a side note, while personal success in an area is useful, it is not a deal-maker or deal-breaker. Sometimes, knowledge, expertise and insight are more valuable. Maybe that is why many of the most successful coaches of Olympic gold medalists are not Olympic gold medalists.

Also, beware of the trap of thinking that one person can effectively coach or mentor you in everything. No one has lived long enough in one lifetime to learn enough to do that.

But if you do find that person, introduce me, would you?

What stage are you at?

Starting a business is a lot different from growing that business.

Both phases could benefit from business mentoring or coaching but, likely not the same kind of coaching or mentoring. And consequently, probably not the same business mentor or coach (unless they have experience or expertise in both areas).

Similarly, losing weight or “getting fit” is very different from competitive sports or body-sculpting.

That is why your neighbourhood gym’s in-house personal trainer, Gina, may help you shed some fat or build some muscle or develop more stamina or flexibility, but she is unlikely to get you to the Olympics. Unless of course, you live in a very special neighbourhood.

Knowing what stage you are in will help you determine who you can truly look up to for coaching or mentoring.

Know where your starting point is. Know where your current target point is. And choose someone who can bridge that specific gap.

One of my earliest and most formative business mentors was not the most accomplished person in my space at the time. But she did care about my success, believed in me and knew enough to point me in the right direction and spot glaring errors in my approach.

At the present stage in my journey, we relate more as business peers though I still have a lot of regard and gratitude for her contributions to me and I continue to learn from her every time we meet.

The point? Know where your starting point is. Know where your current target point is. And choose someone who can bridge that specific gap.

Coach or mentor

You often hear these two terms used interchangeably. And while there is some overlap, a coach is quite different from a mentor.

This is important for you to know because going into a mentoring relationship while expecting a coaching experience can lead to confusion and disappointment. And vice versa, of course.

I mean, you would be surprised if you got to a McDonald's drive-in in a hurry to get to get your food and get to work and then the person on the comm system asked you to park and come in for a 3-course meal.

Let’s just say it might not end up being a very "happy meal".

Why? Well, that just wasn’t the experience you were looking for at the time.

The difference between a coach and a mentor

A lot of articles like this one provide gallant attempts to differentiate between a coach and a mentor.

However, being an active coach and mentor myself, I do not entirely agree with the categorizations they provide.

Let me provide my easy and straightforward view of the difference from my perspective:

A mentor gives you the blueprint, a coach helps you build.  

For example, your work mentor may show you that, to level up in your career, you need to develop better communication skills.

This person (the mentor) has the experience, foresight and insight to know that this is the missing piece. So, they tell you.

And then they hand you the business card of a communications-skills coach!

The mentor gives you the blueprint, the coach helps you build.

Now both coach and mentor may use coaching methods. In fact, if they are good, they can even use counseling and teaching methods and whatever other methods will work in the moment!

But the main difference is not in methods but in the intent and scope of the relationship.

Mentor – path-finding picture; Coach – step-taking support

Seek them out… and engage

Now that you know that you need someone to look up to, what do you do? I say use these tips to help you find the right relationships and to set the scope and expectations.

If you have the right people around you, it is time to engage. If not, well, start working on it. Time is ticking. And while you are looking for a mentor, you might want to throw in an anti-mentor as well.

Until the next article, be your best and do your best.